your room smells of hookers.
And success
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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