fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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