I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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