Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
