So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am spending my child support on dildos
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize