Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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