Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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