how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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