I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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