Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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