I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
