in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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