what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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