Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
