Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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