Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
