He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
