it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize