I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
