dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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