I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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