Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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