That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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