my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
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