I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
