Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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