I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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