dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
