Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
