I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
