I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
