Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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