The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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