I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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