we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
