Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
