Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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