Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
