Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize