Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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