you didnt know i had herpes?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
