If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
