Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize