If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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