Apparently you make a good broom.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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