He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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