and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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