He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
