Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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