that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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