My hand turned me down
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
