Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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