I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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