Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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