after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
