I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
