Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
