This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
