idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
