I hate all girls vehemently.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
