I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
