I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They have beer where we have blood.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
